


The Stohessian Mistake

by Arlene0401



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Canon Universe, Conventions, Levi and Eren discover 'Attack on Titan' is a thing, M/M, and smutty doujins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 15:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9240470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arlene0401/pseuds/Arlene0401
Summary: Levi and Eren encounter a weird swirly thing that propels them right into the strangest place they've ever seen... an anime convention.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChromeHoplite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChromeHoplite/gifts).



> This is a little "Thank you" for ChromeHoplite who is a terrific writer, a masterful wingperson and enabler, and overall an A++ lovely bean. Very, very loosely based on the 'Supernatural' episode 'The French Mistake'.

“Is this creep with the dog ears and tail gone?”

 

Levi peeked around the corner of the market stall they had taken refuge behind.

 

“Yep.” After a pause he added: “Instead there’s some girls with green and blue skin.”

 

Eren nudged him aside so he could take a look himself.

 

“And there’s… a lot of skin to see.”

 

They both stared for a moment, and then a moment longer.

 

“Disgusting.”

 

“Uh, yes. That’s what I meant to say, too. Disgusting.”

 

Levi scrunched his nose in distaste. “Shameless, too. Nobody seems to mind that they only wears these flimsy little… little…”

 

“Very short trousers?” Eren suggested helpfully.

 

“Hmm. And those…” Levi gestured towards his chest.

 

“... brassieres.” Eren noticed the side eye he was getting. “I grew up with a sister,” he mumbled a little defensively.

 

The strangely-colored girls moved away, but the other people filling the market didn’t look any less alien to the two soldiers. They wore strange and exaggerated clothing that looked both impracticable and, in many cases, exposing. Hair was to be seen in all colors of the rainbow. Some outfits had a vague semblance to armor, although, as Levi pointed out, “what use is a shoulder armor when you leave your entire midriff exposed?”

 

“What is this place? What happened to the people to turn them into these… things?” Eren asked, but Levi only shrugged helplessly.

 

They had been walking along a corridor in headquarters, when suddenly everything around them, the walls, floor and ceiling, had… had… swirled and caved in and expanded, all at once, and suddenly… they were here.

 

Wherever ‘here’ was.

 

It seemed to be some kind of market, but the strangest market Eren had ever seen. No produce or meat or cattle were sold, but… things - goods that looked bright and garish and made absolutely no sense. And the people… many didn’t look like people at all, but like beings from fever-induced nightmares.

 

The folks milling around didn’t appear hostile, but the two of them had decided to go into hiding and assess the situation nevertheless.

 

Suddenly, Eren’s eyes widened. Strolling towards their hiding place was Levi. Eren whipped around to stare at ‘his’ Levi and found him equally round-eyed. It was rare to see his stoic captain so shocked. Speechless, they watched as the imposter walked past. On closer inspection, it became clear that he wasn’t Levi, but the resemblance was unsettling.

 

“Captain, why is there someone here who looks like you?” Eren asked shakily.

 

Levi didn’t reply, just frowned in thought. “We’re following him,” he said suddenly.

 

“What?”

 

“Eren, we can sit here all day and not figure out what the fuck this mess is about. But there must be a reason why there’s my lookalike here, and we can only find out what it is if we keep an eye on him.”

 

Eren couldn’t argue the logic in this, and since he had no better suggestion to come up with, he complied. They rose and stepped into the lane, giving their best to look as relaxed and inconspicuous as possible, and followed the raven head in the distance.

 

“What are you walking so close to me, idiot, do you want to snuggle in public or what?” Levi hissed.

 

“I’m not snuggling, it’s just so crowded here and I don’t want to get separated from you,” Eren hissed back.

 

“Oooh my god, look girls, it’s Levi and Eren!” A female voice squealed behind them, and they froze. Slowly, they turned around to a bunch of nearly ecstatic teenage girls, who were clad in rather short frilly skirts and white blouses with ridiculously large bows around their necks.

 

“You, er, you know us?” Levi croaked, and the girls giggled gleefully.

 

“Of course we do, you’re our heroes!” a little blonde with pigtails exclaimed, and the others nodded fervently.

 

“‘Attack on Titan’ is my favorite show,” a redhead declared. “Your cosplay is amazing, do you mind if we take some pictures?”

 

Show? Cosplay? What were these girls babbling about? And what was the part about taking pictures? Did they plan to steal paintings? The two men exchanged a puzzled look while the girls produced small shiny boxes and held them out. 

 

“Can you strike a cool pose?”

 

Levi crossed his arms and glared. “Just who do you think -”

 

“Yes! That’s it!  _ So _ in character!” 

 

Suddenly, the little boxes flared blindingly bright lights, and the men winced and covered their eyes. Levi uttered a stream of expletives that had the girls blushing furiously. They hastily apologized and fled.

 

“Do you have any idea what they were talking about?” Eren asked after he had blinked his eyes repeatedly and was able to see a little again.

 

“No idea. ‘Show’... something like a theater play or a concert maybe?”

 

“So, they think we’re… actors or something? But they knew our names!”

 

Levi looked around and sighed. His doppelganger had long ago vanished in the crowds.  Instead, his gaze fell on two girls in familiar uniforms. He called out to them.

 

“Cadets. Over here.”

 

They obeyed, albeit with insecure little smiles that indicated they were clearly not used to following orders. One of them opened her mouth to speak, but Levi cut her off.

 

“So? What kind of manners is it not to salute a senior officer?”

 

Eren knew that eyebrow twitch, knew it all too well. Everyone familiar with Levi would by now be nervously calculating if it would be two or three days stable duty. But the two cadets just giggled and saluted.

 

Levi clucked his tongue (four days stable duty, Eren thought, or maybe two days latrines cleaning). “Sloppy. Shameful. The Survey Corps is in deep shit indeed if this is how you offer your hearts.” He didn’t raise his voice, but the cold contempt coming off of him in waves was almost palpable. With more than a hint of disgust he inspected their jackets and maneuver gear straps. “What  _ is _ this crap even? No way is this Scouting Regiment standard issue. Takes exactly one attempt to lift yourself up with these to fall flat on the kisser.”

 

The girls had stopped giggling, and now the shorter one’s eyes filled with tears, while the other took an aggressive stance.

 

“Hey asshole, just because you can afford expensive shit for your cosplay doesn’t mean you have any right to treat others like garbage!” She raised her middle finger at Levi and dragged her now sobbing friend away.

 

Dumbfounded, Levi looked after them. “I swear these new recruits get sassier every year. I’m getting too old for this shit. And what is  _ this _ supposed to mean?” He imitated the girl’s gesture.

 

“I’m pretty sure it’s something… offensive, captain,” Eren offered. “So maybe…” With a nod towards some seemingly slightly disturbed onlookers, he took a hold of Levi’s hand and lowered it.

 

For lack of other options, they continued down the alley, and before long Eren pulled on Levi’s sleeve.

 

“Captain… captain, look!”

 

“What the everloving fuck -”

 

Before them, a market stall was decorated with brightly-colored paper prints, and the faces that stared down at them dramatically were unsettlingly familiar, although they were drawn in a weirdly distorted and simplistic style. There were Levi and Eren themselves, and Mikasa, Armin, and many others. The stall sold a large variety of figurines, books and various goods (that made no sense to them), all bearing their images. Gingerly, Levi picked up a book and flicked through it, and Eren leaned over his shoulder. It was a picture book, and it was about them.

 

“So… here, they write stories about us?” Eren forced out.

 

“Who… who wants to read about this shit? We get injured and eaten, we lose our comrades and on top we have to deal with all kinds of political schemes and shittery!” 

 

“Well, but… they seem to admire us?”

 

“Admiration,” Levi snorted. “Admirers are bootlickers who will turn against you and spit in your face at the slightest weakness.”

 

Eren snatched the book from his hands. “Hey, I look like a drooling idiot in this picture! And… and what is this rubbish about a fight with Jean here? That’s totally made up! And besides, I would totally win against him!”

 

“You think  _ you _ look like an idiot? As if I’d ever beat up my subordinates!” 

 

“Levi -”

 

“What? Oh, come on.That was  _ one _ time! And I apologized!”

 

They flicked a little more through the book and put it down. Then they looked up at the big pictures again, then at all the other stalls that featured different sets of characters.

 

“Captain, do you think… these are all real worlds somewhere? And they’re turned into books and… ‘shows’ here?”

 

“Well, if our world is fictional here, then I think it’s safe to assume the others are too.”

 

They watched the excited crowds freely shoveling their money into the hands of the stall owners in exchange for books, pictures, figures and other nonsense. Now that they looked closely, they noticed that the strange-looking people were, in fact, ordinary people, just dressed up as… strange people. It didn’t make the experience any less unsettling.

 

As they moved on, they kept getting stopped and asked about ‘pictures’, and although they still hadn’t figured out what strange ritual that might be it must have something to do with those little flashing boxes. By now, they either squinted or averted their eyes to protect them from the flares. People seemed slightly put off by that, as well as by their just stiffly standing there instead of striking dramatic poses. 

 

The costumed people had less qualms with that.

 

There was a commotion ahead of them, people cheering and whistling, and when Levi with iron determination and pointed elbows had wrestled their way to the front of the crowd, their jaws dropped again.

 

There were another Levi and Eren, or two persons who had dressed up as them, and they were… kissing. And touching.

 

More exactly, making out.

 

Replace ‘making out’ with ‘shoving their tongues down their throats, grinding against each other and groping every body part in reach’.

 

Right in front of everybody.

 

“Eren.”

 

“Y-yes?”

 

“Eren, did you -”

 

“I’m… no, captain, I didn’t!”

 

“Are you  _ sure _ you didn’t tell anyone?”

 

“Levi, I swear I never said a word to anyone!”

 

“Huh.” Levi huffed, then he snatched Eren’s sleeve and dragged him away. Eren heard him mutter things like ‘shameless’ and ‘despicable’ under his breath, but it still amused him to see the tips of Levi’s ears turn red.

 

They reached an area with smaller stalls where mostly booklets and paintings were sold. Most of those were of rather… mature nature, and Eren didn’t really know where to look among all this naked skin, exaggerated busts and lewd postures. So he gawked and dawdled and promptly bumped into Levi when he suddenly stopped.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

 

Levi didn’t react, stood still like a pointer dog.

 

“Levi?” Eren followed his gaze and froze.

 

There was a whole array of booklets featuring themselves. And others. In varying combinations. Eren’s shaking finger pointed at a cover.

 

“Wait, me and… and  _ him _ ? And, and with  _ her _ ?” He swallowed and pointed at another picture. “Is that you with - I think I’m going to be sick.”

 

“Calm down, it’s only made up. What fascinates me more is the 101 ways of improper use of our maneuvering gear. I mean who the fuck wears that without a shirt on? Do they think it’s some kind of sexy? Gross.”

 

“Y-yeah. Gross,” Eren parroted with a weak voice.

 

“Me being cuffed and gagged seems to be a popular choice too. People here really seem to be into this kind of shit.”

 

Eren eyed the array of tearful, wretched and submissive Levis in various states of undressed-ness and, not trusting his voice, only hummed a noncommittal albeit high-pitched ‘hnnng’.

 

“Eren.”

 

“... yes?”

 

“You’re drooling.”

 

Hastily and with burning cheeks he turned away and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “Captain, I’m -”

 

“Eren, look! Over there, that swirly thing? Doesn’t that look exactly like what brought us here? Quick, run!”

 

Eren whirled around and, at seeing the strange phenomenon, made a beeline for it, Levi’s boots thudding directly behind him and bewildered and angry shouts in his ear. Only a few steps took them back to a well-known cobblestone corridor, the floor worn and polished by thousands of feet, the walls blackened by the soot of torches. He skidded to a halt but slammed hard into the next wall anyway, Levi crashing into his back. They toppled over and ungracefully landed on the ground. 

 

“Ouch… damn you’re heavy,” Eren wheezed, with what felt like Levi’s elbows having cracked half a dozen of his ribs. 

 

“Tssk, I didn’t take you for such a wuss,” Levi chuckled, disentangled himself and got up. He brushed off his still immaculate outfit - he had had a soft landing, sort of - and patiently waited for Eren to collect his limbs and heave himself into an upright position.

 

“Well, that was definitely one of the weirder experiences I’ve had in my life,” Levi threw in nonchalantly as he started heading down the corridor again as if nothing had happened. Eren limped along and still tried to wrap his head around this very strange day. 

 

“Maybe we should let Erwin know to give out word to avoid any swirly things until we know how to deal with them. He can shove it in Hanji’s hands - they will be delighted to have something other to obsess over than titans. Hopefully they won’t zip the entire headquarters out of existence.” He shot Eren a sympathetic look. “Or experiment you to death. I know how to keep them off my back, but for you I see little hope.”

 

Eren’s shoulders sagged. Levi patted him on the back. Then he reached inside his jacket and pulled out a handful of colorful booklets. “Here, take these as consolation. I had the impression you liked those.”

 

Eren looked at the booklets and felt his face heat up - heck, he was probably blushing all the way down to his toes. “But… Levi… how?”

 

Levi smirked. “I used to be a thug, remember? Grab and run isn’t elegant but effective. I obtained some things that piqued my interest, too.” With long fingers, he removed even more booklets from his jacket. Most of the covers showed Eren, lascivious, drooling and helplessly bound. 

 

Eren looked from his own books to Levi’s and back again, and suddenly his mouth felt very dry. “So, you prefer that, huh. Okay, how do we do this? Rock, paper, scissors?”, he heard himself say.

 

Levi’s grin widened. “I don’t mind, since you lose all the fucking time.” He tapped his chin in mock thought. “You think Erwin needs our report right now? It’s already late and we should let our commander get his well-deserved rest. Tomorrow morning is soon enough. Right now I think it of utmost importance to check your gear for any damages. And, yes, I have sorely neglected to thoroughly instruct you in all its possible fields of application.”


End file.
